SMASHING PARTY

Not only was the Titmouse Sixth Somewhat-Annual Smashing Party a SMASHING success (pun intended), it was a whole heck of a lot of therapeutical fun!

Basically, the Smashing Party is a real life version of that scene in Office Space where the smash the fax machine (or was it a printer? all I remember was that there were baseball bats and toner).
Our parking lot was turned into a cage match pitting man against machine, ceramics, and various other smashable items.

Smashing a printer in style

I put on my battle helmet, zipped up my bomber jacket (if you're going to pummel something, you might as well look the part!) and entered the Ring of Destruction. With all the protective gear- gas mask, goggles, helmet, gloves- I could barely see. I wanted to find the sledge hammer or the axe but every handle looked the same.

Being on a time limit, I grabbed a baseball bat and let loose, Buffy-style, on that summabitch.

Man, it really felt good destroying something...in a controlled environment.

And all the e-waste got properly recycled to boot!

Couldn't really ask for more. I love where I work.

Enjoy this video of me smashing:

Ooooh, Sookie!

I feel that cool bite in the wind and that fall smell in the air and that can only mean one thing:
Halloween is upon us.

Halloween has long been my favorite holiday.
You get to dress up and no one thinks it's strange.
And you get to eat candy and not think about what your dentist or your waistline will say about it!
Really, there's no downside to Halloween.

Lucky for me, my job is the most amazing place ever.
Today we all dressed up in costume.
I'm Sookie Stackhouse, mindreading vampire-loving waitress from Bon Temps.
Our receptionist is a snorkeler, I've seen Blossom, Haji from Johnny Quest, a tranny, a white collar Hamburgler...the list goes on.

Here are pictures that I stole from my coworker Brandon...'s facebook...

waitress attire. rockin' the typical Sookie sidepony.

 all of us in costumes

my bosses and their dog

Tomorrow will be spent watching Hocus Pocus, carving pumpkins, eating Halloween shapes pasta and drinking Vampire wine.

I am super mega excited. Stay tuned for (more) pictures!

Michael Bay Makes Life So Much More Exciting

Back in high school I made the unfortunate choice to NOT see Pearl Harbor in theaters.
Ok, it wasn't too bad- we went to see Cats&Dogs instead, and let me tell you, I have never begrudged that choice.
However, Brittany and I skipped or Winter Formal sophomore year to stay home, watch Pearl Harbor and bemoan our sad dateless lives.
Some people might dismiss Pearl Harbor as sappy dribble but, though you can never convince me that the fat kid in the end is the dreamy Josh Hartnett's kid- no way, no how- I liked the movie. I had no problem with the sappy/convoluted love story and I'm all about things blowing up. Plus the 1940s backdrop? Kate Beckinsale? Josh Hartnett? Ben Affleck??? It was like the pinnacle of all that can go right in a movie. Like Titanic. With explosions.

If I've learned anything from my years in film school, it's that there are 3 things any movie needs to be successful:
a) young beautiful people. CHECK
b) robots, monsters, druglords, the Japanese, or any other misc. other cool villian. CHECK.
c) lots and lots of EXPLOSIONS. DOUBLE CHECK!

Michael Bay has this formula on lock and though his movies have, as of late, fallen into the trap of putting cool stunts before any sort of story or plot...no one can deny he has a knack for a really cool action movie (everyone please ignore The Island...)
I mean, have you SEEN Armageddon??? If you don't like that movie, I'm pretty sure you hate America.

With Transformers 3 being released in the VERY distant future, thank goodness that Michael Bay, like all things good, is now available online. you can now create your own Michael Bay wonders with the Bayifier.

A typical day with my new boyfriend, Shy-Shy LaBeau

BEST. EXPLOSION. EVER.

That's right. Marvel in the Michael Bay glory. 

Ok, that's enough marveling...go make your own!

This is How it's Done, Ted Mosby

Thanks to America Ferrera for her inspiration and to eBay for making this dream an affordably priced reality.

Found these sweet babies on eBay for $60...$100 off their retail price.

I've always considered myself a savvy shopper and I must say, I've even impressed myself here.

They keep my feet dry and warm in the rain and they're just so cute.

Not TOO red but still eye-catching.

And unlike Ted Mosby, I really am "Pulling. Them. Off."

Can't wait to wear them with a dress.

Really adds a little kick to an ultra-feminine ensemble.

(...get it? Kick? yeah, yeah, yeah, I like puns.)

Now I've got the undeniable urge to two-step. 

Anyone willing to oblige??

Not so Sunny California

When we think of California, we think of sunshine.
and the beach.
and movie stars.
No one (including any builders or construction workers in LA) about what happens when it DOES, on rare occasion, rain in LA.
Let me unravel this mystery for you:
People FREAK OUT.
The roads are nightmares, filled with drivers terrified of mist.
The entire freeway screeching to a halt and crawls along as if rain could really make you melt like the Wicked Witch of the West.
It took me 3 hours to get 19 miles once. Seriously. That's not an exaggeration.
Buildings, all flat-roofed, leak so that instead of being safe and dry inside, you are rained on in your own bed.
Then everyone bumbles around not knowing how to fix anything.
And did you know it's actually COLD here?
Yes. It's chilly. We're not talking arctic winds or New York cold but it's definitely jeans and jacket weather.
We had a very cool summer and that means I did not go to the beach as often as I'd like.
And now my walls are crumbling around me because no one prepared for the eventuality of rain!
It's as if everyone is living in a fantasy world where rain is just a scary story told over a campfire.

Now the carpet cleaners that were for some reason unnecessarily called by my landlord are here 4 hours late and I've got meetings to go to.
My walls are still wet and she's having someone vacuum my carpet? Not steam clean...just vaccuum.
Thanks, lady, but I've got a Dyson and a string of pearls - I can do it my damn self.

Ooooh, California.

to quote the ever-wise Antoine Dodson,

You are so dumb. For real.

Thanks, West Hollywood. I'm going to tear out my Mind's Eye now.

Driving into work today, I see a man looking at the street.
Naturally, I'm curious to know what's going on.
There could have been a pot-o-gold on the street, or a kitten, or a dead tranny (it's WeHo. it could happen)
Then, I see something out of my nightmares.
HIS PENIS.
The man was urinating on the street near my office, letting his johnson fly about for all to see.

I was horribly scandalized.
I wanted to honk angrily for his lewd behavior but I was in such a state of shock that I could do nothing but futilely try to scrub the image from my mind.
At least have the decency to go behind a bush or a building, not right there on the street where people walk!
I guess I should be glad I didn't see him defecating. That would have been worse, and not entirely implausible here in West Hollywood...

So now I'm probably scarred for life.
There are some things you just can't UNsee......

Spotted @ Mercantile Cafe: America Ferrera

My dear friend Maha just got a job here at Titmouse so we went to lunch to celebrate her first day.
We went to the little french market bistro down the road and as I'm taking a bite of my smoked chicken breast sandwich with grilled onions, apricot marmalade and avocado, I see Ugly Betty herself: America Ferrera- American trailblazing actress for real women.
and she's wearing some ROCKIN' red cowboy boots.
RE-SPECT, lady. Respect.
i saw Our Family Wedding (on Netflix, where I watch all my shameful rom coms). I saw both Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants movies. I saw Real Women Have Curves. I know this chick is awesome.
but she was wearing red cowboy boots which make her infinitely more cool.

When I was younger, I had a pair of red ropers that I used to wear as often as I could.
They were bright and loud and AMAZING.
Maybe that's where my love of fashion comes from.
Maybe it's where I got the idea that only whores and small children wear red shoes...or maybe that was Chocolat.
I don't know.
All i know is that I love me some red cowboy boots and they remind me of a time when putting them on meant I was a whole new person- stronger, faster, more mysterious.

Hello, ebay? Yes, one pair of women's red cowboy boots, please!